That's What Friends Are For!

I did a little brain-storming with C and came up with a well thought out (I think!) plan of attack for N's temper tantrums. I haven't actually started these, so any input or feedback is welcome and appreciated.

1. Feelings Flashcards
I think that a large part of N's (and any pre-schooler's tantrums) stems from her inability to articulate what she's feeling. My idea was to make 8.5 x 11 sheets with faces on them to illustrate what a feeling looks like. One for each sheet. I haven't decided if I want to do simple smiley-type faces, pictures of N, pictures of us, magazine clippings or a combination of all. These will go either in a binder or on a wall. The master plan is to try to distract N from a pending hissy fit by asking her to either point out how she feels or maybe putting a sticker on the face that she feels like. Hopefully this will help her to talk about what's going on in her head as opposed to rolling around on the ground screaming, which I don't find helpful at all.

N pretending to be sad. (summer 2010)

2. Punching Bag Monster
When N is trying to not have a full blown on-the-ground temper tantrum, she often hits herself or throws whatever is handy. If nothing's nearby, she'll walk all the way across the kitchen to dump a box of toys and then look back at me to check my reaction. *sigh* I'm hoping with this idea to create an outlet for her anger and frustration that is acceptable. I've got lots of fabric laying around, so I was going to make a monster for her that she could punch, throw, hit, whatever, when she was mad. I'm not sure if this will help her channel herself into an acceptable outlet or if it will encourage her already feisty tendencies. I need a good name for him, too. Punchinello? Hissy Fit Harry? Temper Tantrum Timmy?

3. Daddy-Time Chart
I think a lot of N's temper problems have escalated since A's been gone so much. It's been a big change in the household and it's hard on everyone, A included. I try to keep my own frustration levels down by thinking "it's not forever!" but N doesn't have the luxury of understanding that. A friend suggested that N could earn special time with Daddy with stickers for good behavior. I don't really have any structure in mind other than a blank week that she gets to put a sticker on when she does something nice or acts politely without me asking her. Sometimes she IS very sweet and thoughtful to her sister, or she gets ready to go out the door with no fuss, and I would like to reward her. I always make sure to let her know I noticed her good behavior, and I thank her for it without making it the hugest deal in the world. Kind of like her tantrums, I let her know that it isn't acceptable and I either ignore her or put her in time out. Hopefully this will make her more conscious of the good things that she does, and she'll get to spend some one-on-one time with A on the weekend.

I don't know why N's temper tantrums have escalated so badly the last few months. It makes me feel like a terrible parent when she melts down at a play group or family member's house. We don't go out too often, largely because I'm trying to avoid a scene. I don't feel like I reinforce her bad behavior, but obviously I'm not doing something right if she's being this bad. I definitely think that her behavior is worse than other kids her age. Maybe it's her age, maybe it's all the changes, maybe the wind is blowing the wrong way that day. Who knows? I just know that I need to get her in hand, and I have no real idea how to go about it.