Stickers, Stickers Everywhere!

It's funny how much a small change can make such a big impact on such a young mind.

A few months ago, I was at my wit's end with N. My anxiety level was at an all time high, she had screaming temper tantrums several times a day and I cried at least once a day from anger and frustration. We've been going through a lot of big family changes, which I've touched on before. The biggest is A's schedule. Before he got the wonderful opportunity to teach, he gave the girls a bath and put them to bed every night. It was their daddy time. Right now, he's in school and working more hours in the hopes that he can teach full time in the future. I think this has impacted N the most. Don't get me wrong, I miss him, too, but at least I can rationalize and understand what's going on. N's little brain just went haywire, I think. The tiniest obstacle would result in yelling, crying and throwing whatever she could get her hands on. Time outs were marginally effective. They were better at calming her down after the fact than preventing one to begin with. At her worst, she was going ballistic more than once an hour. And so was I.

To vent a little of the steam, I posted up on facebook and got many helpful tips from my friends. One was that I should do something to reward and reinforce good behavior. They suggested a chart that she could put a sticker on when she did something good, then trade it in at the end of the week for special "daddy time." The very first day we instituted it, I felt like she was calmer. It wasn't like she was trying to be good, but maybe that I noticed the good things she did more often and praised her for them. I couldn't think of a good name for it, so I just called it the Be Good Chart, haha! The chart was definitely therapeutic for her AND me. It's hard to get through the day when the moments that stick in your mind are all the crappy ones. I knew I would never remember everything that she did, so I would put a sticker on and then write one line at the bottom about how she was good. I tried to get her to tell me what she did, like "shared toys with D" or "left the park without a fit." Lately I've been heading off tantrums with a reminder that if she gets ready for bed quickly without a fuss, we can put a sticker on the chart.

N is so proud of her chart, she shows it off whenever she can. Just last week, Aunt C came to see N (and incidentally stay later after N & D went to bed for drinks and crocheting) and one of the first things N said was "Come look at my Be Good chart!!" I think a lot of the change in the household attitude is stemming from focusing on the positive. A comes home and asks how the day went and I can tell him all the nice things N did, instead of how many hissy fits she had.

I also wanted to post about N's visit to pre-school, a few of our crafts and D's scary trip to the ER, but it's really late. Everyone probably already heard through Facebook, but D spent the day at the ER with pneumonia. No fun! She's all better now, so I guess there isn't really anything to post about. We've been blessed thus far in that we've never had any serious health problems with our children. This was the first time anyone has been seriously ill and one of only a handful of times we've ever even taken them to the doc's for being sick. N went for an earache once, and D went when she had Fifth Disease and went for her diarrhea, but that's it. Like I said, we've been lucky!

I'll try to get back soon for the rest of the updates, but until then... Be Good!!

The Power of Bacon

This was supposed to be my triumphant post of how I overcame monumental obstacles with the help of... bacon! Unfortunately, one of my largest hurdles that I THOUGHT I had cleared has tripped me up again.

But first, the successes.

1. What to make for dinner?
This was an easy one, but I figured I would include it to make a nice round number of goals to post about. I definitely get stuck in a dinner rut. Steam broccoli, make pasta, repeat daily. I bought some squash and asparagus at the grocery store the other day, but was tired of the usual roasting method. Enter bacon!

I don't have the words for how super yummy this was.



2. Mice infestation.

Recently, we've been dealing with a few mice in the kitchen. They ate my Double Stuf Oreos, so it was game on. A friend suggested baiting our mouse traps with bacon grease, so I figured what the heck? The next morning the trap was gone and the mice were no more. We only ended up catching two or three, so hopefully it was just a small group of them. It's been quiet since then, so I'm hopeful that they're gone. Thanks, bacon, for your supporting role!

3. N's nose.

This was supposed to be my coup de grace. The apex of my shrine to bacon. We promised N bacon for breakfast if she didn't scratch her nose open. It worked for a week. A whole WEEK!! I was dancing the cha cha every morning, I was so excited that her nose was healing up. This has been a two and a half month ordeal for us. Just about every morning and/or waking up from naptime, N looks like she's been attacked in her sleep by Freddie Cruger. Blood everywhere. Her pillows and blankets are stained, it's gross. Not to mention the big scab on her face that's going to leave a big scar. This whole thing bothers me a lot, but we try very hard not to make it a big deal for N. Low key. I'm also worried that it's going to get infected and BECOME a big deal, whether we like it or not. Anyway, a week of leaving it alone goes by. Then D gets pneumonia and a few days later, N sounds like she's hacking up a lung all night. I don't think she's developed pneumonia yet, but it has definitely disrupted her sleep. This coupled with the fact that she spent the night away from home the other day proved too much for her itchy fingers. Back at the nose. Damn. It's been another day or so since then and she's left it alone, so hopefully she's out of the habit of it. I hope to post my success picture soon. It's very disappointing, though.

Other than N's nose, she has been super good lately. Her temper tantrums are way down in frequency and intensity. I credit the success to... bacon. Just kidding. I made her a new chart that she gets to put stickers on when she's good. At the end of the week she turns it in for special "Daddy Time". I'll devote a post to it later, because I'm so proud of how well she's doing with it. :) I'll also touch on our visit to her future preschool, her garden, and some new fun crafty things we're getting into!

That's What Friends Are For!

I did a little brain-storming with C and came up with a well thought out (I think!) plan of attack for N's temper tantrums. I haven't actually started these, so any input or feedback is welcome and appreciated.

1. Feelings Flashcards
I think that a large part of N's (and any pre-schooler's tantrums) stems from her inability to articulate what she's feeling. My idea was to make 8.5 x 11 sheets with faces on them to illustrate what a feeling looks like. One for each sheet. I haven't decided if I want to do simple smiley-type faces, pictures of N, pictures of us, magazine clippings or a combination of all. These will go either in a binder or on a wall. The master plan is to try to distract N from a pending hissy fit by asking her to either point out how she feels or maybe putting a sticker on the face that she feels like. Hopefully this will help her to talk about what's going on in her head as opposed to rolling around on the ground screaming, which I don't find helpful at all.

N pretending to be sad. (summer 2010)

2. Punching Bag Monster
When N is trying to not have a full blown on-the-ground temper tantrum, she often hits herself or throws whatever is handy. If nothing's nearby, she'll walk all the way across the kitchen to dump a box of toys and then look back at me to check my reaction. *sigh* I'm hoping with this idea to create an outlet for her anger and frustration that is acceptable. I've got lots of fabric laying around, so I was going to make a monster for her that she could punch, throw, hit, whatever, when she was mad. I'm not sure if this will help her channel herself into an acceptable outlet or if it will encourage her already feisty tendencies. I need a good name for him, too. Punchinello? Hissy Fit Harry? Temper Tantrum Timmy?

3. Daddy-Time Chart
I think a lot of N's temper problems have escalated since A's been gone so much. It's been a big change in the household and it's hard on everyone, A included. I try to keep my own frustration levels down by thinking "it's not forever!" but N doesn't have the luxury of understanding that. A friend suggested that N could earn special time with Daddy with stickers for good behavior. I don't really have any structure in mind other than a blank week that she gets to put a sticker on when she does something nice or acts politely without me asking her. Sometimes she IS very sweet and thoughtful to her sister, or she gets ready to go out the door with no fuss, and I would like to reward her. I always make sure to let her know I noticed her good behavior, and I thank her for it without making it the hugest deal in the world. Kind of like her tantrums, I let her know that it isn't acceptable and I either ignore her or put her in time out. Hopefully this will make her more conscious of the good things that she does, and she'll get to spend some one-on-one time with A on the weekend.

I don't know why N's temper tantrums have escalated so badly the last few months. It makes me feel like a terrible parent when she melts down at a play group or family member's house. We don't go out too often, largely because I'm trying to avoid a scene. I don't feel like I reinforce her bad behavior, but obviously I'm not doing something right if she's being this bad. I definitely think that her behavior is worse than other kids her age. Maybe it's her age, maybe it's all the changes, maybe the wind is blowing the wrong way that day. Who knows? I just know that I need to get her in hand, and I have no real idea how to go about it.