Stickers, Stickers Everywhere!

It's funny how much a small change can make such a big impact on such a young mind.

A few months ago, I was at my wit's end with N. My anxiety level was at an all time high, she had screaming temper tantrums several times a day and I cried at least once a day from anger and frustration. We've been going through a lot of big family changes, which I've touched on before. The biggest is A's schedule. Before he got the wonderful opportunity to teach, he gave the girls a bath and put them to bed every night. It was their daddy time. Right now, he's in school and working more hours in the hopes that he can teach full time in the future. I think this has impacted N the most. Don't get me wrong, I miss him, too, but at least I can rationalize and understand what's going on. N's little brain just went haywire, I think. The tiniest obstacle would result in yelling, crying and throwing whatever she could get her hands on. Time outs were marginally effective. They were better at calming her down after the fact than preventing one to begin with. At her worst, she was going ballistic more than once an hour. And so was I.

To vent a little of the steam, I posted up on facebook and got many helpful tips from my friends. One was that I should do something to reward and reinforce good behavior. They suggested a chart that she could put a sticker on when she did something good, then trade it in at the end of the week for special "daddy time." The very first day we instituted it, I felt like she was calmer. It wasn't like she was trying to be good, but maybe that I noticed the good things she did more often and praised her for them. I couldn't think of a good name for it, so I just called it the Be Good Chart, haha! The chart was definitely therapeutic for her AND me. It's hard to get through the day when the moments that stick in your mind are all the crappy ones. I knew I would never remember everything that she did, so I would put a sticker on and then write one line at the bottom about how she was good. I tried to get her to tell me what she did, like "shared toys with D" or "left the park without a fit." Lately I've been heading off tantrums with a reminder that if she gets ready for bed quickly without a fuss, we can put a sticker on the chart.

N is so proud of her chart, she shows it off whenever she can. Just last week, Aunt C came to see N (and incidentally stay later after N & D went to bed for drinks and crocheting) and one of the first things N said was "Come look at my Be Good chart!!" I think a lot of the change in the household attitude is stemming from focusing on the positive. A comes home and asks how the day went and I can tell him all the nice things N did, instead of how many hissy fits she had.

I also wanted to post about N's visit to pre-school, a few of our crafts and D's scary trip to the ER, but it's really late. Everyone probably already heard through Facebook, but D spent the day at the ER with pneumonia. No fun! She's all better now, so I guess there isn't really anything to post about. We've been blessed thus far in that we've never had any serious health problems with our children. This was the first time anyone has been seriously ill and one of only a handful of times we've ever even taken them to the doc's for being sick. N went for an earache once, and D went when she had Fifth Disease and went for her diarrhea, but that's it. Like I said, we've been lucky!

I'll try to get back soon for the rest of the updates, but until then... Be Good!!

The Power of Bacon

This was supposed to be my triumphant post of how I overcame monumental obstacles with the help of... bacon! Unfortunately, one of my largest hurdles that I THOUGHT I had cleared has tripped me up again.

But first, the successes.

1. What to make for dinner?
This was an easy one, but I figured I would include it to make a nice round number of goals to post about. I definitely get stuck in a dinner rut. Steam broccoli, make pasta, repeat daily. I bought some squash and asparagus at the grocery store the other day, but was tired of the usual roasting method. Enter bacon!

I don't have the words for how super yummy this was.



2. Mice infestation.

Recently, we've been dealing with a few mice in the kitchen. They ate my Double Stuf Oreos, so it was game on. A friend suggested baiting our mouse traps with bacon grease, so I figured what the heck? The next morning the trap was gone and the mice were no more. We only ended up catching two or three, so hopefully it was just a small group of them. It's been quiet since then, so I'm hopeful that they're gone. Thanks, bacon, for your supporting role!

3. N's nose.

This was supposed to be my coup de grace. The apex of my shrine to bacon. We promised N bacon for breakfast if she didn't scratch her nose open. It worked for a week. A whole WEEK!! I was dancing the cha cha every morning, I was so excited that her nose was healing up. This has been a two and a half month ordeal for us. Just about every morning and/or waking up from naptime, N looks like she's been attacked in her sleep by Freddie Cruger. Blood everywhere. Her pillows and blankets are stained, it's gross. Not to mention the big scab on her face that's going to leave a big scar. This whole thing bothers me a lot, but we try very hard not to make it a big deal for N. Low key. I'm also worried that it's going to get infected and BECOME a big deal, whether we like it or not. Anyway, a week of leaving it alone goes by. Then D gets pneumonia and a few days later, N sounds like she's hacking up a lung all night. I don't think she's developed pneumonia yet, but it has definitely disrupted her sleep. This coupled with the fact that she spent the night away from home the other day proved too much for her itchy fingers. Back at the nose. Damn. It's been another day or so since then and she's left it alone, so hopefully she's out of the habit of it. I hope to post my success picture soon. It's very disappointing, though.

Other than N's nose, she has been super good lately. Her temper tantrums are way down in frequency and intensity. I credit the success to... bacon. Just kidding. I made her a new chart that she gets to put stickers on when she's good. At the end of the week she turns it in for special "Daddy Time". I'll devote a post to it later, because I'm so proud of how well she's doing with it. :) I'll also touch on our visit to her future preschool, her garden, and some new fun crafty things we're getting into!

That's What Friends Are For!

I did a little brain-storming with C and came up with a well thought out (I think!) plan of attack for N's temper tantrums. I haven't actually started these, so any input or feedback is welcome and appreciated.

1. Feelings Flashcards
I think that a large part of N's (and any pre-schooler's tantrums) stems from her inability to articulate what she's feeling. My idea was to make 8.5 x 11 sheets with faces on them to illustrate what a feeling looks like. One for each sheet. I haven't decided if I want to do simple smiley-type faces, pictures of N, pictures of us, magazine clippings or a combination of all. These will go either in a binder or on a wall. The master plan is to try to distract N from a pending hissy fit by asking her to either point out how she feels or maybe putting a sticker on the face that she feels like. Hopefully this will help her to talk about what's going on in her head as opposed to rolling around on the ground screaming, which I don't find helpful at all.

N pretending to be sad. (summer 2010)

2. Punching Bag Monster
When N is trying to not have a full blown on-the-ground temper tantrum, she often hits herself or throws whatever is handy. If nothing's nearby, she'll walk all the way across the kitchen to dump a box of toys and then look back at me to check my reaction. *sigh* I'm hoping with this idea to create an outlet for her anger and frustration that is acceptable. I've got lots of fabric laying around, so I was going to make a monster for her that she could punch, throw, hit, whatever, when she was mad. I'm not sure if this will help her channel herself into an acceptable outlet or if it will encourage her already feisty tendencies. I need a good name for him, too. Punchinello? Hissy Fit Harry? Temper Tantrum Timmy?

3. Daddy-Time Chart
I think a lot of N's temper problems have escalated since A's been gone so much. It's been a big change in the household and it's hard on everyone, A included. I try to keep my own frustration levels down by thinking "it's not forever!" but N doesn't have the luxury of understanding that. A friend suggested that N could earn special time with Daddy with stickers for good behavior. I don't really have any structure in mind other than a blank week that she gets to put a sticker on when she does something nice or acts politely without me asking her. Sometimes she IS very sweet and thoughtful to her sister, or she gets ready to go out the door with no fuss, and I would like to reward her. I always make sure to let her know I noticed her good behavior, and I thank her for it without making it the hugest deal in the world. Kind of like her tantrums, I let her know that it isn't acceptable and I either ignore her or put her in time out. Hopefully this will make her more conscious of the good things that she does, and she'll get to spend some one-on-one time with A on the weekend.

I don't know why N's temper tantrums have escalated so badly the last few months. It makes me feel like a terrible parent when she melts down at a play group or family member's house. We don't go out too often, largely because I'm trying to avoid a scene. I don't feel like I reinforce her bad behavior, but obviously I'm not doing something right if she's being this bad. I definitely think that her behavior is worse than other kids her age. Maybe it's her age, maybe it's all the changes, maybe the wind is blowing the wrong way that day. Who knows? I just know that I need to get her in hand, and I have no real idea how to go about it.

These Are a Few (more) of My Fave Things

I got to thinking after yesterday's post about the things that make me happy. I need to remind myself more often that there's lots of things that are totally awesome about my life.

Crocheting
A recent hobby I picked up a few months ago that has been neglected lately. I got back into a blanket that I started a few weeks ago last night. I had forgotten how relaxing it could be. It feels productive, too, so I don't feel as guilty chilling in front of the TV.

N's butterfly hat

D's ear flap hat

Routines
I realized today that my routines that I have here with the girls really do make my life so much easier. We do the same thing every day. Every day. It makes me a little crazy sometimes, but N thrives on it. I realized this when I saw how things fell apart when my husband gets in the mix. My girls and I love having him around, don't get me wrong, but naptime and bedtime can be a bit of a struggle. N always wants daddy to put her to bed, but when he forgets one silly (to us!) little thing like turning on the nightlight in the middle of the day, it's a disaster. N and I take naps and go to bed the same way every night. I don't even think about it until I forget something or do it differently. After all hell breaks loose, I realize that I accidentally switched something up.

Reality TV
Baaaad guilty pleasure. But it does make me happy!

My Friends & Family
This should have been at the top of my list yesterday. I could never get by without the support of the people around me. They may be an hour away at work or live too far away to see all the time, but a phone call can turn my day around. Sometimes I need a sympathetic ear when my day is going south or sometimes it's just to share a funny story from my day. Connecting with my friends and family keeps me going. Often, the LAST thing I want to talk about is the crappy day I'm having. It's nice to hear what other people are doing!

Me and A on Valentine's Day 2011

Me and C. BFF4Eva&Eva!!!

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say

I've been feeling pretty negative lately, so I haven't written anything. Although I do love a good venting session, I'd hate for this to turn into one long catalog of things that piss me off. So here are a few things that have made me happy the last two weeks:

N's Garden
This has turned out to be not only a great way to teach her about responsibility, it's also a great bribe to get her to take a nap. "If you don't take a nap, you can't water your babies!" Her cucumber seeds sprouted pretty early on and they're a few inches tall already. The peppers and squash have yet to poke their heads out of the dirt. I hope that at least a few of each sprout. It's been about two weeks, but I'm not giving up on them yet. She was SO excited when she first saw her babies "growing up."

The very first sprouts!

They're getting so big!

Warm Weather on the Horizon

I'm so stoked for the weather to get nice and STAY that way! We went to the park last weekend while it was sunny and warm. N loved running around and D had a blast playing in the mulch and going down the slides. I want to get motivated to spring clean and pack away all the winter clothes. Coats, hats, mittens and boots take up a ton of room when there's four people in the house! Of course, it's supposed to snow tomorrow, so I'll have to wait on that one.

Sleep

Sleeping in makes me so happy it's a little ridiculous. I don't get to do it too often, so when it happens it makes my day.

Naps

Related to previous post, but actually referring to my girls. I am insanely grateful that my girls nap. It's the middle of the afternoon right now and BOTH of my girls are sleeping, and will most likely stay that way until 4pm. I absolutely love that, and the fact that they nap keeps me sane. I realize that I'm very lucky that my girls nap so well. I attribute it to genetics (see previous item on list!) and the fact that we were sleep nazis when they were babies. The whole napping thing definitely limits my options when I want to get out of the house, but the flip side of the coin is certainly a peaceful one. I'm willing to take the trade-off because they won't be little forever. One day, the naps will come to an end.

I wish that these things stayed foremost in my head all the time, but the fact is that I often get overwhelmed with everything else. The "everything else" being temper tantrums, dishes, laundry, temper tantrums, waking up too early, sick pets, temper tantrums, D's poo issues, temper tantrums and ummm... oh yeah, temper tantrums. N is getting a little out of hand. I sincerely try to stay calm and rational but her hissy fits drive me to the brink. I can see her just about exploding with frustration before she lets one loose and I try to talk to her, but it never works. It could be over something silly, like she can't fit a square peg into a round hole, or something far more serious (in her eyes) like D taking a toy or not getting to watch TV. I do see her handling them a little better now than she did a year ago. For instance, I've seen her think about hitting D and then choosing not to. Instead, she hits herself or seeks out a bin of toys to dump out and throw around. Thanks. I can only hope that she learns some self control soon, because she is about driving me nuts!!

Often, I often feel like the complaints outnumber the nice things to say, and I hate feeling that way. Hopefully the beautiful spring weather that is just around the corner will help thaw my patience out.

A Banner Day

I wish every day could be as peaceful, smooth and awesome as today.

It actually started out pretty crappy when my older daughter woke up with "a nose-full of snoogies." (In case you were wondering, the word snoogies is a cross between snot and boogies or boogers. I'm not sure where the word came from, but I know that my brother uses it, too.) Maybe I was expecting a crap-tastic day, so that was why it turned out pretty good. I had steeled myself for a whiny, cranky, hissy fittin' 3 year old. She wasn't too bad, and I had patience to spare today. D was a little snoogied up, too, but her mood was chipper as always.

Anyway, after I got D down for her morning nap, I told N that I had a surprise for her. We were starting our garden! I was definitely more excited than she was, but as soon as I pulled everything out she was raring to go. I think I was most excited to actually start on one of my big goals for the year. We picked out seeds weeks ago, but it was too early to do anything with them. N and I had a long conversation about planting her seeds and how we're going to have to take care of them every day. I kind of started an analogy of seeds = baby plants, and N ran with it.

N making beds for all of the babies.

Only one baby per bed!

Cover them up so they stay nice and cozy.

Another tray for the cucumber babies and the pepper babies.

Everybody gets a nice big drink!



N had a lot of fun and took her job very seriously, as you can see! I hope that they sprout soon so that she can see them growing. I have no idea how big this garden is going to be. We started 20 squash, 25 peppers, and 25 cucumbers. I also plan on getting a few tomato seedlings in a few weeks. I really hope I'm not biting off more than I can chew.

Since everyone was sick, I started chicken soup while D was sleeping. A few days earlier, I picked up one of those roasted chickens at the grocery store. I always plan on making soup with the carcass, but never get around to it. Well, today I did! During the afternoon naps I strained the stock, added another chicken breast to the leftovers, and put in corn, rice and carrots. It actually turned out pretty good. D destroyed a big bowl, and I managed to shove a good bit into N.

In addition to starting my garden and making awesome soup, I folded two loads of laundry, kept the house more or less tidy, and baked cookies with N after D went to bed for the night. I even had the energy to clean up for an hour after they went to bed! I don't know why I can't keep this level of motivation going every day. It's not like I was going gung-ho all day. We never changed out of our pajamas, I wasted time on Facebook and on the phone while the girls were napping, and I spent a good amount of time just rolling around on the floor with the girls when they were up. Maybe it's because I was anticipating such a bad day. You know, hope for the best but expect the worst. I'd hate to "expect" my kids to steamroll over me every day, though.

I think I need to plan ahead a little more. The garden was pre-planned for today, and that was a big chunk of time for the day, maybe 45 minutes to an hour. If I plan something cool for N to do while D is sleeping in the AM, it will keep her quiet and engaged in something worthwhile. As soon as the weather turns, we can use that time to care for her garden. The problem is that I often count on D's naptime to put the house back in order after the morning whirlwind. N usually spends it playing by herself with her Disney figurines and her dollhouse. Maybe if I can focus and get the morning dishes and tidying done in the first 45 minutes, N and I can do something fun until D gets up.

A funny little anecdote to end on: N is usually really good about sneezing into her elbow, but she was driving me nuts wiping her constantly dripping nose on her hand this morning. I had one of those eureka moments and invented... drumroll...

Sneezy Sleeves! (or Snoogie Sleeves, I haven't decided.)

The Sneezy Sleeve in action!



I took a pair of kneehigh socks that I had cut the feet off to use as legwarmers for D last fall and stuck them on N's arms. Now she doesn't get snot all over her sleeves, and when it gets too soggy or we're leaving the house, off they come!

Sometimes, I'm just too awesome for words.

Sleeping Beauty? I wish!

I need to get more sleep, that's all there is to it.

A let me sleep in this morning until 9 and I feel great. I have more patience with the kids, I actually feel like getting stuff done and it didn't require a pot of coffee to get me going. (Don't get me wrong, I drank it anyway!) I have a real problem with going to bed early for several reasons. The first is that, more often than not, during the work week A doesn't get home until between 11pm and 1am. I end up putzing around waiting to see him before I go to bed, or I dilly dally doing nothing for an extra hour or two instead of just packing it in. On the nights that he does get home before bedtime, I want to hang out and talk or watch something stupid on TV. We end up watching an extra two episodes of something that we've seen before just because we're both savoring the feeling of doing nothing. This is bad for both of us since he gets up at least an hour before I do in the morning.

The other reason is that sometimes, it's hard to face the thought of "tomorrow". It's difficult to admit that I don't relish the thought of hanging out with my beautiful, funny girls every... single... day. Some days they just tax my patience to the limit and I know that tomorrow I have to do it all over again. This ends up snowballing, since I stay up late to avoid tomorrow, then I'm cranky the next day because I didn't get enough sleep!

I never in a million years imagined how hard it would be to transition from part time work to full time stay at home mom. You figure, there's only a few days a week difference, right? BIG difference. Having the break of working outside of the house, the interaction with a human being that doesn't want fruit snacks and PB&J 24 hours a day, not having to wipe someone's hiney every hour or so... that is priceless. Jumping into it with two of them isn't helping, either! Having just N or just D would be a breeze compared to the dual whirlwind that occurs when the two of them get together. I suppose it's just as well that I'm getting started on it now, because it's only going to get harder as they get older and D gets into temper tantrums and N gives up her afternoon nap. (NEVER!!!)

The peace that presides over the household when everyone is happy is a blissful feeling. A lot of that is contingent upon ME. If I'm short with N, she immediately gets cranky. If she's gearing up for a fit and I can work through it really quick by being silly, it can save the whole day. I frequently shoot myself in the foot and I know it. I am a nut about making sure my kids take their naps and go to bed on time, why can't I follow the same discipline for myself?

I would love to find Zen in my day and I think that the key to the search is going to be a well rested family, starting with me.

who could be angry with those little faces?!