If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say

I've been feeling pretty negative lately, so I haven't written anything. Although I do love a good venting session, I'd hate for this to turn into one long catalog of things that piss me off. So here are a few things that have made me happy the last two weeks:

N's Garden
This has turned out to be not only a great way to teach her about responsibility, it's also a great bribe to get her to take a nap. "If you don't take a nap, you can't water your babies!" Her cucumber seeds sprouted pretty early on and they're a few inches tall already. The peppers and squash have yet to poke their heads out of the dirt. I hope that at least a few of each sprout. It's been about two weeks, but I'm not giving up on them yet. She was SO excited when she first saw her babies "growing up."

The very first sprouts!

They're getting so big!

Warm Weather on the Horizon

I'm so stoked for the weather to get nice and STAY that way! We went to the park last weekend while it was sunny and warm. N loved running around and D had a blast playing in the mulch and going down the slides. I want to get motivated to spring clean and pack away all the winter clothes. Coats, hats, mittens and boots take up a ton of room when there's four people in the house! Of course, it's supposed to snow tomorrow, so I'll have to wait on that one.

Sleep

Sleeping in makes me so happy it's a little ridiculous. I don't get to do it too often, so when it happens it makes my day.

Naps

Related to previous post, but actually referring to my girls. I am insanely grateful that my girls nap. It's the middle of the afternoon right now and BOTH of my girls are sleeping, and will most likely stay that way until 4pm. I absolutely love that, and the fact that they nap keeps me sane. I realize that I'm very lucky that my girls nap so well. I attribute it to genetics (see previous item on list!) and the fact that we were sleep nazis when they were babies. The whole napping thing definitely limits my options when I want to get out of the house, but the flip side of the coin is certainly a peaceful one. I'm willing to take the trade-off because they won't be little forever. One day, the naps will come to an end.

I wish that these things stayed foremost in my head all the time, but the fact is that I often get overwhelmed with everything else. The "everything else" being temper tantrums, dishes, laundry, temper tantrums, waking up too early, sick pets, temper tantrums, D's poo issues, temper tantrums and ummm... oh yeah, temper tantrums. N is getting a little out of hand. I sincerely try to stay calm and rational but her hissy fits drive me to the brink. I can see her just about exploding with frustration before she lets one loose and I try to talk to her, but it never works. It could be over something silly, like she can't fit a square peg into a round hole, or something far more serious (in her eyes) like D taking a toy or not getting to watch TV. I do see her handling them a little better now than she did a year ago. For instance, I've seen her think about hitting D and then choosing not to. Instead, she hits herself or seeks out a bin of toys to dump out and throw around. Thanks. I can only hope that she learns some self control soon, because she is about driving me nuts!!

Often, I often feel like the complaints outnumber the nice things to say, and I hate feeling that way. Hopefully the beautiful spring weather that is just around the corner will help thaw my patience out.

A Banner Day

I wish every day could be as peaceful, smooth and awesome as today.

It actually started out pretty crappy when my older daughter woke up with "a nose-full of snoogies." (In case you were wondering, the word snoogies is a cross between snot and boogies or boogers. I'm not sure where the word came from, but I know that my brother uses it, too.) Maybe I was expecting a crap-tastic day, so that was why it turned out pretty good. I had steeled myself for a whiny, cranky, hissy fittin' 3 year old. She wasn't too bad, and I had patience to spare today. D was a little snoogied up, too, but her mood was chipper as always.

Anyway, after I got D down for her morning nap, I told N that I had a surprise for her. We were starting our garden! I was definitely more excited than she was, but as soon as I pulled everything out she was raring to go. I think I was most excited to actually start on one of my big goals for the year. We picked out seeds weeks ago, but it was too early to do anything with them. N and I had a long conversation about planting her seeds and how we're going to have to take care of them every day. I kind of started an analogy of seeds = baby plants, and N ran with it.

N making beds for all of the babies.

Only one baby per bed!

Cover them up so they stay nice and cozy.

Another tray for the cucumber babies and the pepper babies.

Everybody gets a nice big drink!



N had a lot of fun and took her job very seriously, as you can see! I hope that they sprout soon so that she can see them growing. I have no idea how big this garden is going to be. We started 20 squash, 25 peppers, and 25 cucumbers. I also plan on getting a few tomato seedlings in a few weeks. I really hope I'm not biting off more than I can chew.

Since everyone was sick, I started chicken soup while D was sleeping. A few days earlier, I picked up one of those roasted chickens at the grocery store. I always plan on making soup with the carcass, but never get around to it. Well, today I did! During the afternoon naps I strained the stock, added another chicken breast to the leftovers, and put in corn, rice and carrots. It actually turned out pretty good. D destroyed a big bowl, and I managed to shove a good bit into N.

In addition to starting my garden and making awesome soup, I folded two loads of laundry, kept the house more or less tidy, and baked cookies with N after D went to bed for the night. I even had the energy to clean up for an hour after they went to bed! I don't know why I can't keep this level of motivation going every day. It's not like I was going gung-ho all day. We never changed out of our pajamas, I wasted time on Facebook and on the phone while the girls were napping, and I spent a good amount of time just rolling around on the floor with the girls when they were up. Maybe it's because I was anticipating such a bad day. You know, hope for the best but expect the worst. I'd hate to "expect" my kids to steamroll over me every day, though.

I think I need to plan ahead a little more. The garden was pre-planned for today, and that was a big chunk of time for the day, maybe 45 minutes to an hour. If I plan something cool for N to do while D is sleeping in the AM, it will keep her quiet and engaged in something worthwhile. As soon as the weather turns, we can use that time to care for her garden. The problem is that I often count on D's naptime to put the house back in order after the morning whirlwind. N usually spends it playing by herself with her Disney figurines and her dollhouse. Maybe if I can focus and get the morning dishes and tidying done in the first 45 minutes, N and I can do something fun until D gets up.

A funny little anecdote to end on: N is usually really good about sneezing into her elbow, but she was driving me nuts wiping her constantly dripping nose on her hand this morning. I had one of those eureka moments and invented... drumroll...

Sneezy Sleeves! (or Snoogie Sleeves, I haven't decided.)

The Sneezy Sleeve in action!



I took a pair of kneehigh socks that I had cut the feet off to use as legwarmers for D last fall and stuck them on N's arms. Now she doesn't get snot all over her sleeves, and when it gets too soggy or we're leaving the house, off they come!

Sometimes, I'm just too awesome for words.

Sleeping Beauty? I wish!

I need to get more sleep, that's all there is to it.

A let me sleep in this morning until 9 and I feel great. I have more patience with the kids, I actually feel like getting stuff done and it didn't require a pot of coffee to get me going. (Don't get me wrong, I drank it anyway!) I have a real problem with going to bed early for several reasons. The first is that, more often than not, during the work week A doesn't get home until between 11pm and 1am. I end up putzing around waiting to see him before I go to bed, or I dilly dally doing nothing for an extra hour or two instead of just packing it in. On the nights that he does get home before bedtime, I want to hang out and talk or watch something stupid on TV. We end up watching an extra two episodes of something that we've seen before just because we're both savoring the feeling of doing nothing. This is bad for both of us since he gets up at least an hour before I do in the morning.

The other reason is that sometimes, it's hard to face the thought of "tomorrow". It's difficult to admit that I don't relish the thought of hanging out with my beautiful, funny girls every... single... day. Some days they just tax my patience to the limit and I know that tomorrow I have to do it all over again. This ends up snowballing, since I stay up late to avoid tomorrow, then I'm cranky the next day because I didn't get enough sleep!

I never in a million years imagined how hard it would be to transition from part time work to full time stay at home mom. You figure, there's only a few days a week difference, right? BIG difference. Having the break of working outside of the house, the interaction with a human being that doesn't want fruit snacks and PB&J 24 hours a day, not having to wipe someone's hiney every hour or so... that is priceless. Jumping into it with two of them isn't helping, either! Having just N or just D would be a breeze compared to the dual whirlwind that occurs when the two of them get together. I suppose it's just as well that I'm getting started on it now, because it's only going to get harder as they get older and D gets into temper tantrums and N gives up her afternoon nap. (NEVER!!!)

The peace that presides over the household when everyone is happy is a blissful feeling. A lot of that is contingent upon ME. If I'm short with N, she immediately gets cranky. If she's gearing up for a fit and I can work through it really quick by being silly, it can save the whole day. I frequently shoot myself in the foot and I know it. I am a nut about making sure my kids take their naps and go to bed on time, why can't I follow the same discipline for myself?

I would love to find Zen in my day and I think that the key to the search is going to be a well rested family, starting with me.

who could be angry with those little faces?!

Lazy weekend, Rotten day

After busting my butt all last week, I decided to take the weekend off from cleaning. I had a bunch of leftovers ready to go, we were going out one night anyway, and the house was more or less spotless.

Spotless no more.

I really had planned on getting back on track today, but D got hives head to toe in the morning. This produced a flurry of googling and facebooking, both equally useless and fruitless. Then just before I got dinner in the oven, N got the biggest splinter I've ever seen in her big toe. No kidding, the local health center wanted me to take her to the ER so they could numb it or sedate her. My father in law came over to try to help, but it wasn't budging. Since going to the ER at 6pm wasn't a very attractive prospect, I opted to pop in her doctor's office in the morning. After D went to bed (still hivey) I decided to take a crack at it. One needle and 20 minutes later, success! Nice.

N ate frozen fish sticks, D had boiled chicken, and I'm getting ready to eat freezer pizza. The house looks like a bomb went off and I could fall asleep right now. For the sake of my blog and my goals, let's pretend today never happened.

Weather back to crap

It was easy to feel the motivation on Thursday and Friday when the weather was unseasonably warm. (60-70 in the middle of February!) It's supposed to snow 2-4 inches overnight tomorrow. Poo. I want to start my garden now that I'm thinking about it! N and I did go buy some seeds this weekend, but I still have to wait another month to start the seeds inside. I guess I need to focus my energies elsewhere for now.

I suppose my current goal is to get the inside of my house in order so that when spring finally gets here, we can spend all of our time outside. One of the daily battles that I wage with my 3 year old (actually it's MANY times a day) is over the TV. She wants to watch it all day, and I want it OFF. We've gotten into a rut of watching a show or two after breakfast, one before her afternoon nap and then again after dinner. When I write it out like this, it's embarrassing to see how much TV she watches. At least there are no commercials since we watch on Netflix or DVD. Once I manage to get the TV off, she's perfectly happy playing with her Disney figurines or "baking" me something in her kitchen. I guess little ones can get into a rut the same as us and she's just used to doing it.  It's gotten MUCH worse since winter started. The weather is crappy, I feel tied to the house with D so we can't go anywhere, when D's up she's an attention hog, and when she's sleeping N needs to keep it down.

Hmmm... goal #2? I need to find more crafty, fun and creative ways to keep N occupied and to keep the TV off. Part of that will be leading by example, since I recognize that I need to unplug myself, too. It not fair to tell N she can't watch TV when she sees me cruise by Facebook whenever I walk past the computer. The first step I took toward that was to stop playing those time hogging Facebook games. I would remember that I needed to harvest a crop or something stupid like that so I would log in just for a "minute" that inevitably turns into 30 while N is occupied. Then I think "damn, I just wasted time I could have been..." Aside from the games, I like to feel connected to friends and family that I rarely get to see. Living where we do is fabulous for the kids, but is a little remote for my liking. I love our 1.3 acres and I know that the schools are good around here, but it is at least an hour away from my family and closest friends. I need to remember that there are other ways to connect, and that not everyone is so far away. I was enjoying the nice weather and making a few phone calls on Thursday, just reconnecting with people I haven't spoken to in months, and it turns out my cousin works 20 minutes away from my house and would love to come to dinner some night when A is working late. I need to make myself take advantage of situations like this.

Anyway, this is turning into a ramble. Turn off the computer, clean the house, find something super awesome for N to do that is more attractive to her than TV. Seems like a tall order, we'll see what happens.

Beanbags for D's birthday. So they can be even more comfortable lounging in front of the TV.

Cinderelly, Cinderelly. Night and day, it's Cinderelly!

Why the blog?

I realized after I already published yesterday's blog that I didn't really cover WHY I was creating a blog for this. The main reason is for accountability. I feel that when I *think* I want to accomplish something, that there's a high mortality rate for my resolutions. When I put it out there, I'm much more likely to get it done. Case in point: last year I decided I wanted to lose weight. (Who doesn't?!) I've half-heartedly tried before, but never really got anywhere. This time I posted up on Facebook what my goals were and put up weekly updates on my progress. I managed to lose almost 40 pounds in three months, and I've kept it off for about 6 months. THAT is what I want to happen to my life. I want to make some sweeping changes, with my blog to keep me motivated, until it becomes a habit and the change is made for good. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, because by posting, I've made the comittment. At least this way, my Facebook friends won't be subjected to it every day. If someone wants to cruise on over for a look-see, have at it. If not, don't.

Today started out pretty good. My internet was down in the morning as if it was a message from above saying "get off your butt!!" So I did. The girls and I took a walk, I did dishes and laundry and made lunch that wasn't pre-frozen. I will say that the internet is my main distraction in life. (And that I'm not oblivious to the irony of creating a blog where one of my main goals is to unplug.) We don't have cable and our antenna sucks, so I never watch TV. My other distraction is reading. While not as brainless as watching TV, it's still a time sucker when I could be doing something productive. Along those lines, I have started a new hobby that has taken the place of my mindless reading: crochet! I can do something that I don't have to think about when I need a break, but still be productive.

These little things are important, but there are larger goals on the horizon. My first big goal that is coming into play soon is starting a garden. N is happiest outside, and D will be much more steady on her feet by the spring. It seems like the ideal time to jump in. I plan on starting it inside, and then moving it all to our side yard when it gets warmer. I have to do some research to make sure I time it right, but I'll probably pick up seeds soon. I'm thinking tomatoes, squash, cucumbers... Maybe I should start reasonably and leave it at that. I'm NOT a gardener, so I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those "hard at first but becomes a habit" things. I know N will be all about it, so that should make it easier. I'll get stuff for it this weekend, I think.

See, I'm making commitments already!

Not sure where to start...

...with either my goal or my blog. I had all these great ideas in the shower - prosaic lines and all that - but when I'm actually sitting down to write, it's all gone. I guess I'll start with my reasons behind both.

As a bit of background, I'm a relatively new stay at home mom with a three year old (N) and a one year old (D). I quit my part time job when my youngest was 4 months old, and I've been home ever since. Home a lot. I was hoping that I would adjust to my new place in life with a little more grace, but there it is. I have a hard time not seeing my family and friends, and since D is still taking two naps a day, we don't get out much. I also cringe at meeting new people, which is ok I guess, since we live in a more rural area where I don't get the opportunity very often.

For the past few months, my youngest daughter D has had chronic diarrhea. It's not catastrophic or anything, just mysterious and annoying. We went to a Pedi GI specialist this week and one of her suspicions is a wheat protien intolerance. Being the sometimes proactive mother I am, I decided to go ahead and cut gluten out of her diet. This has forced me to be less lazy, which I hate, and a little more creative in the kitchen, which I am also not that fond of. As I'm sifting through the boxes of cereal, individually wrapped fruit and grain bars, and other bags of snacks that we have trying to find anything that she can eat, I step back a bit (physically and mentally) and realize that most of it is JUNK! This wasn't really an earth shaking revelation, I know that we buy way more convenience foods than we need. Now that a mysterious 'something' is affecting my daughter, I have the motivation I need to clean up my act. Making healthy food for D and junk for the rest of us would just be more work, so might as well do us all a favor and make my life a little easier. Because I'm all about that!

Speaking of making junk, out of desperation last week I made macaroni and cheese for my older daughter, N. She was feeling feisty and I was feeling frayed. After I made it, the neon orange goo of cheese(?) on pasty white little macaroni elbows was just too much. I vowed never to buy it again. Boxed macaroni and cheese has got to be the epitome of processed, pre-packaged crap. (But sometimes it really is yummy!) I need to clear my kitchen of  freezer pizza, frozen chicken fingers, fish sticks and the like.

I've come to realize that since staying home, I've been drifting along day by day without a Purpose. I guess my purpose is to make it to bedtime with my sanity and temper intact. Which rarely happens. I spend my day glaring at the piles of laundry and toys, and willing the mess to go away. Not only are my kitchen cabinets full of junk, my house is full of junk. My house is full of junk because my head is full of junk. I need to sweep out my brain and find the clarity I need to focus on what is important.

I need to rid myself of the Mac & Cheeses of life - overprocessed junk food, clutter, needless distractions, and all the aimless wandering I do in a day. I need to be whatever the antithesis of Mac & Cheese is. Roasted asparagus? Homemade guacamole?

I'm not sure what exactly, but I think it's going to be good.